a ghost.

i told myself i'd soon forget. that what they say is true. 

that time heals all wounds. that this would fade. 

as if it never happened. erased from my mind.

but, tell me why do i still feel it.

why does my mind still run wild with these memories?

i guess the other day i realized.

you never really forget.

the pain will dim and the thoughts will become few and far between. 

but they will still remain. they are apart of your being now. they are you. 

it'll stay with you forever. like a ghost.

making you who you are and who you are going to be.

but you’ll learn to live with it or try to.

i hope you try,

maybe, just maybe.

someday you’ll even learn to smile at the ghosts within.

i hope.

 i hope you are happy.

i hope you find what you were always searching for.

i hope you find you.

i hope you find out why you are so drawn to heartbreak.

why it is so easy for you to throw yourself off a cliff.
but yet so hard to keep within.

i hope you can look yourself in the eyes through the looking glass and smile.

that you learned to live with your demons. 

i hope you did it.
 i hope you did all those things that haunted your mind.

i hope you found out why you have a gypsy soul.
why you crave the sea and the pavement lights. 

i hope you find peace.

i hope you learned to stay. to let go. to lose. to be. to love.

i hope you loved with all your being. with your heart, soul, body and mind.

with such a recklessness that it scares even yourself.

i hope you find it.
 not so much a thing, place or even a person.

but a feeling.

a feeling of living.

i hope you lived.

//dear me.

last night.

 into the rain i ran. 

it didn't matter how wet i got

or

how much of my makeup rolled off my face

or

that tears and rain danced like a waltz together on my face.

it didn't matter.

i chose to run.

to dance.

to be.

in the rain. 

autumn playlist.

I hope everyone is having a lovely week so far. I put together a collection of a few song that i'm really digging.  so pour a cup of tea and pull on your favorite sweater and give these tunes a listen. xoxo

clean // the japanese house 

where are you now? REMIX // justin bieber 

headlight // lvy and gold 

bone // ben horward 

OW // oh wonder 

infinity // one direction 

wild // troye sivan 

roots // imagine dragons

drive // haley

last night.

we sobbed through the whole opening credits of little women. 

maybe

 it was the fact that you are leaving in 3 days 

or 

perhaps,

 it's was the way that somehow between the melody, bits and pieces or our childhood came to life,

as if 

suddenly we were little kids again, hiding in our attic to watch our favorite movie. cuddled up with layers of blankets and love. 

ha, maybe it was just the overdoes of caffeine from starbucks.

i guess it could have been many things.

but, 

i felt love and loss

but,

 us little women will be together again 

and 

you'll be home for Christmas. 

laugh.

round we go.

laughing all the way. 

we laugh like we're trying to hide. 

to hide within the smile that never quite reaches your eyes. 

you laugh to forget who you've become and who you've lost along the way.

and me.

well,

i laugh because i forgot how to cry.

to the...

 to the girl slowly killing herself to be beautiful

shake the dust

to the boy calling to get a drive from his home, just for a minutes peace from his parents screaming

shake the dust

to the girl fighting a battle no one knows a thing about

shake the dust

to the girl whose tired of crying all her makeup away

shake the dust

to all the people we've loved and lost

shake the dust

to the girl sitting on her closet floor, listing to music too loud to drowned out her crying

shake the dust

to the girl with the stunning big smile and hurting eyes

shake the dust

to the boy whom you loved and let go of

shake the dust 

to the girl who thinks shes gone to far, even for god

shake the dust

to the boy whom tried to stop caring, but failed

shake the dust

to the girl whose hands won't stop shaking while typing this

shake the dust